I am...
tangy as a mofoMay I suggest:
http://twitter.com/nisibSo, like
I am a 20 something SFer via Chicago. Attempting to quit the cigs. Still embracing the booze and the notched bedpost.Following
Now that we’re all professional and coupled and whatnot, I don’t get to see my homies as much as I used to. But at least they leave strange party favors in my room for me to take bored, tipsy vanity shots with. <3 you boys!
But I hate Catcher in the Rye with the fire of 10,000 suns.
“Ohhh I’m so saaaaad goddamn it Jiminy Cricket damn hell. I just want to get a hooker to show you the full range of my angst.” Hey, Holden? Go fuck yourself.
If Holden Caufield were a real person, I’d give him a wedgie, dunk his head in a toilet, and poop in his shoes.
Agreed. Here is where I recommend, as I always do, Frank Portman’s awesome debut, King Dork. Oddly enough, it’s perfect for people who love or loathe Catcher.
The feel good movie of the year!
What am I, chopped liver? Chopped TOFU liver?!?!?
*Fuck, I have scandalous shit open on my computer.
*The emergency bell I’m ringing sounds a bit too much like the salsa music that’s blasting from the lobby.
*If today is the day I die, at least I got some.
*Thank god I’m not stuck in here with a pregnant woman. Jammed elevator = instant water breakage.
*What’s with Today, Today?
*Will I still get paid for this?
*Women’s razors are the biggest rip off in the world. I’ve been using a two blade mens bic and hair conditioner for the past six months and my legs have never been silkier.
Maybe we should just put an end to flash mobs because nobody is ever going to beat this.
Got a call from a lady who wants to go from Denver to Haiti to Maine. That’s Denver to HAITI to Maine. You can’t just put that kind of meat in between the whitest pieces of whitebred this country has to offer. I think she’s going to Haiti to adopt a baby. Your thoughts?
It hurts to watch this…
It’s never too early to start putting together ones Christmas list. And yes, perhaps my christmas list is as simple as “everything on the Archie McPhee website”….
- THEY’RE going to the mall.
- THERE are no reasons to do that.
- THERE is/THERE are.
- THEIR mother is a ho.
- YOUR hair is ugly.
- YOU’RE the sweetest person I’ve ever met
- I’ve BEEN to Boston.
- She released a BEAN-scented fart.
- It’s a book BY J.D Salinger.
- I’m going to BUY that prostitute.
- BYE, do you need a cab?
- I have a HOLE in my pants.
- He ate a WHOLE pie.
- I can SEE her vagina.
- The Mediterranean SEA is connected to the Atlantic Ocean.
- They always ask me for cab FARE.
- It’s not FAIR to pay this hooker more than the others.
- I SENT that bitch a smiley face.
- His SCENT was nauseating.
- We’re going TO a party.
- Will you come TOO?
- She WHINES when I ask her to suck my dick.
- So I give her some WINE first, to soothe her.
- That movie was a WASTE of money.
- That woman’s WAIST is tiny.
- I’m going to WEAR the slutty dress.
- WHERE can I buy the slutty dress?
- Hangovers leave me feeling WEAK.
- I only party at the end of a long WEEK.
- I like this one, BUT I like that one better.
- His BUTT smelled like socks and hot dog water.
- I can HEAR them having sex.
- The police are HERE.
- The WEATHER is looking kind of chilly.
- I’m going to go WHETHER she likes it or not.
Do you get it now?
bolded my favorite
this.
I sat Halloween out this year. I figure it’d be good to take a year off so I could actually be excited for it next year.
Anyways, I’m making some much needed OT from the graveyard shift I’m finishing up right now.
Plus, Halloween just isn’t Halloween anymore. It also happens to be my boyfriend’s birthday (hence why he’s such a freakazoid) so even a glimpse of a pumpkin, or the sound of the word October gives me an embarrassing shot of warm fuzzies.
IT’S DECORATIVE
GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS.
BY COLIN NISSAN
This has been the only good part about today: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/10/20nissan.html
From Dutch By Design:
The Home Duvet lets you sleep under a cardboard box so a homeless person doesn’t have to!
This high quality duvet cover features a photographic print of a cardboard box. This produces an extremely sharp image that stays flexible because the ink is printed directly in the cotton. The image will stay crisp after frequent washing.
30% of the gross profits go to Centrepoint, the UK charity for homeless young people aged 16-25 (charity number 292411). Every night Centrepoint provides support and housing for 800 vulnerable homeless young people.
Um….cool. I guess?
